Double Dipping

Reader Writes:

I am in a terrible situation. My best friend has been dating her boyfriend on and off for the last 2 years. She really loves him but he doesn’t love her or want her anymore. They constantly fight about the dumbest things. They clearly aren’t meant for each other. He even cheated on her with another girl before and she took him back. I also know he doesn’t want her anymore because he has been hitting on me constantly. I know he is interested and honestly I want him too.

I think he may be the one. We have so much in common. There’s just a spark that I’ve never felt before. I’m hopelessly in love with him. I knew he wanted me every since the first day I met him.. I’ve already decided to follow through with my opportunity with him. My question to you is how should I go about taking my best friends guy.

Will there be any way to salvage the relationship with my girlfriend? If not I don’t want our mutual friends to think I am a bad person. I honestly am not. Its just that I’ve never wanted someone the way I want him. Can you please advise me?

Mrs. O’s Response:

Thank you for your question. Unfortunately what you are going through is very common. Best friends frequently have the same taste in guys. You and your friend are probably in the same place in life and good men are hard to find. This is why I always advise women to keep a little distance between their significant other and their friends.  However, I think what you are trying to do is very selfish. If you call yourself a friend why would you want to steal a guy from your friend?

Things that are off limits always seem more enticing. Even if you do feel he is “the one” the odds of the two of you eventually getting married is slim. From what you said the guy doesn’t seem like he is looking to settle down anytime soon. In the past two years he has already been on and off with your friend. He has cheated on her AND he has also made passes at you in the meantime. Only goodness knows what else he has done that you don’t even know about.

To make matters worse you do not even care about your friends feelings. Your more concerned about how people in your inner circle will look at you. The truth is very few people will judge you to your face that is the nature of man. But they will surely backbite. They might carry on with the relationship like all is well but you will notice that they will never let you close to their husbands/boyfriends because they know what you are capable of.  If your prepared for that and you truly think he is worth it then go ahead.

What I would advise is for you to go to your friend woman to woman. She will definitely be upset, but its the best way to go about it. She will probably end the friendship. But that is the only way that in the future the two of you can be cordial. If she finds out you have been sneaking behind her back she will be more upset than you telling her the truth.

If you are genuine and upfront about the situation it is far better than her feeling foolish and finding out the two of you are sneaking around. Please follow up with me and let me know how it goes!

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