Working Mom Guilt

When I first heard I had gotten a new position and was going back to work I wasn’t fully happy. Yes I was happy about the job offer. Yes I was happy to get back into a fixed routine.  Yes I was happy that I would be getting back into the workforce but I was worried deeply about the well-being of my son. I was worried that I would lose the connection that we had. I was worried that his care would no longer be completely up to me. I was worried that I would have to trust in other people to ensure that his needs were met. I felt guilty. I felt like I was leaving my son behind. That night I secretly cried.

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That same night Google as usual became my best friend. I started researching the best age for children to begin daycare. I read horror stories, statistics, and blogs. They all had the same end points. Mothers wrote about how they cried the entire first week they went back to work. They complained about engorgement and how they were worried sick about their babies.

For a moment I wanted to cancel going back to work. But I knew sooner or later I would have to rejoin the workforce and the time was now. Rather than opting for daycare , our family opted to hire a live in nanny. That way our son would not have to go through the hustle and bustle of being outside of the home. This has been the best decision for us. Through a nanny cam I can see exactly what my son is doing 24 hours of the day. I also feel more comfortable because I have a personal relationship with his care giver.

Even though we are still trying to get into the swing of things we are managing. I cherish the moments I have with my son now more than ever. I also use the weekends as an outlet to get as much quality time with him as possible. I still feel very guilty when I leave him every morning but I know it’s for the best. With time it will get easier.

What are you experiences with going back to work?

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