Dear Mrs. O
Hello! I love your blog! I thought to ask you about this terrible shameful situation that I’ve found myself in. I met this guy at my University library. We really hit it off as friends. After a while we found out that we have many mutual friends. He became apart of my immediate inner circle. He was my best male friend. I would tell him about my struggles with other guys ask him for advice and all of those type of things. He would sleep over my apartment sometimes even in the same bed and nothing would ever happen. Thats just how close we were. He would also tell me his issues in his relationships and I would advise him. He was awesome. If I needed help financially and he has it I know he would always give me. I even attempted to hook him up with some of my girlfriends but nothing came of it.
Fast forward 2 years I had a party at my place about two weeks ago and got too drunk. We ended up having sex. It was amazing! All of the sudden someone who I’ve always thought of as a brother is looking like a husband. Since then we’ve had sex one other time and it was soooooooo sweet! Im not this type of girl at all and he knows it. I let him know that if he wasn’t ready for a relationship the sex would have to stop. Can you imagine he told me that he’s currently hooked on another girl and can’t date me! Im so hurt. I feel played and used but I still want to see if the friendship can be salvaged. Any advice?
Im very sorry to hear about what happened. I want to let you know that this happens frequently and you aren’t stupid. Unfortunately your “friend” used you. He was never actually your true friend. From the first time he met you he probably knew he wanted you. He just didn’t know how to go about it. He waited for the perfect time to swoop in and get what he wanted. He is a vulture.
Also please don’t pretend like you are totally innocent. Nobody is that naive. This guy was sleeping in your bed and giving you money and you honestly thought he wanted nothing? I’m not sure if I believe that. I always tell people that there is no such thing as guy and girl best friends. There can be guy and girl friends. But not BEST friends. One person is always feeling the other. Most of the time its the guy. Unless the guy is gay.
Even if you didn’t want him you knew he liked you. If your honest with yourself you know its true. The only unfortunate part is that he didn’t want a relationship he only wanted sex. This happens very frequently. If you had noticed his potential earlier maybe something could have come of it. I spoke more about learning the potential in a guy on time here.
As for your friendship, do yourself a favor an end the relationship. It will be even more embarrassing if he begins ignoring your calls and distancing himself from you. You don’t want to feel that way it wont be pretty. Just let him go while you still have dignity. You can still be cordial but no more sleep overs or coming to your place late night. Don’t start blowing up his phone, don’t slash his tires, don’t make a bid deal of the situation. Just let it go.
You also said you have many mutual friends. It will be in your best interest not to tell any of them. Many of them probably already knew he was into you. You don’t want to come off as naive. Im so sorry this happened to you. Take it as a learning experience. I would like to here what ends up happening please email me with an update at a later time.
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